Do you remember walking your children to school, hanging out in the Parent Center or going out to coffee with your friends, talking about PTA business?? By the time you got to the meeting, all the details were set, and the vote was uncontested. Even though you might not have had a quorum at the “coffee” date, not all the interested parties were consulted. But they could have been brought around if the project was presented well and enough votes were lined up.
A social pre-meeting is a form of exclusive behavior which is not good. Forms of exclusive behavior include social exclusion, condescension, mobbing, serial bullying, and cyberbullying on social media.
- Social Exclusion – Social exclusion is defined as preventing someone from participating with others. It is not just mean-spirited childhood behavior that occurs on the playground; it is all too often an adult bullying tactic. Consider the example of a group text or WhatsApp conversation. It can be an opportunity to get some work done outside of committee and association meetings, but it may also be a way in which a volunteer is excluded from the conversation.
- Condescension – Whether publicly in a meeting with others or privately in conversation, a volunteer who constantly criticizes and downgrades another volunteer’s comments or ideas is engaging in bullying. Condescension is a powerful tool of manipulation. It shuts down conversations, excludes new ideas, and alienates both the target and those who witness the behavior, making them reluctant to be involved. We, as an association, lose valuable volunteer resources when this behavior is tolerated.
- Mobbing – When individuals in leadership positions band together to target a volunteer, they engage in mobbing. It is characterized by a coordinated campaign of humiliation, ridicule, and criticism by more than one person. Remarkably, mobbing accounts for 30% of bullying incidents. The target is made to feel isolated and inferior and eventually leaves the association.
- Serial Bullying – The name says it all. It is a hit-and-run operation of sorts. The serial bully moves from one target to the next.
- Cyberbullying – Cyberbullying is bullying on social media or any electronic form of communication, such as text, e-mail, and any group conversation apps. Outside standard PTA executive, association, and committee communications lies the challenging area of social media. Volunteers’ personal social media accounts are a convenient platform to cyberbully another parent. Social media allows uploading pictures and posts; settings can be set to private to keep out anyone looking to monitor activity. Exclusion behavior again….
If you think about it, all of the more common forms of bullying done on campus and in meetings can be done online, including exclusion. Moreover, people think nothing of snapping a picture with a smartphone, and those pictures can be shared on social media without permission.
In a recent survey, one in 10 participants said they became aware of secret conversations initiated about them on social media. The mental anguish and anxiety that are associated with bullying are not to be underestimated or dismissed. We are responsible for our actions and the resulting outcomes of those choices.
While it is lovely to have coffee with a friend or chat in a text, and it might seem to be the most efficient use of our time in this busy world, that is not where PTA business should be conducted.. Though it can be frustrating to wait until the next meeting, waiting will ensure that each member has a chance to respectfully share their ideas and listen to the ideas of others in order to achieve common goals. This is actually how the system should work: giving each individual a voice and an opportunity to participate without the fear of being shut down.
In summary, PTA business (votes and decisions) should not be done on any social media platform, by text, email, etc. No discussion beyond “we need to meet,” “what dates and times work for you,” with an attached agenda and request for ideas to add to the agenda. No discussion of the ideas; just a listing of them.
Meetings can take place via Zoom or another online format that allows all participants to access the meeting fairly and responsibly.
Be a buddy, not a bully. Wait for the meeting and include all voices. We do this better together.
Types of bullying taken from this article https://www.hracuity.com/blog/how-to-identify-exclusion-in-the-workplace-5-examples/